I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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