i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
where am i from again
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
