there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
