sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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