I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
