How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize