French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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