today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
