Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
