i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There r osticjed everywhere
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I could fuck to npr.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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