I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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