I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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