Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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