just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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