I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
