It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dignity is for republicans.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
