I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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