i wish my penis had a tongue
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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