so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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