You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
