I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
