ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
