Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Randomize
