I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
