hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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