Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
