Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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