How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize