playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
