Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
