Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Sober January is a disaster.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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