apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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