I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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