I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
