That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
