a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
