I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
