I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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