she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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