fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
