Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
