I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
