It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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