Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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