Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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