I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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