we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
