so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
