The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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