Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
