Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
