the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
