peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
