Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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