I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
