sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Life is so much better after having sex.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
