Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
