I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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