Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
