i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Your cock deserves a montage
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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