This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
