I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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