I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it