So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy