Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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