you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
