I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
