I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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