3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
