You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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