Sry I called you an 8
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
