My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
